I was at Cosco tonight with my son Quinn. It was one of those shopping experiences that seemed aligned, in that I kept running into people I knew, grabbing exactly what I needed without having a list, and they had some new stuff that was worth getting excited over. Usually Costco feels cold, overly lit, sterile. Tonight there was a warmth about it.
We were both really hungry, at the end of our rope after a hard CrossFit workout, and feeling the kitchen table with the dinner and the plates and the people and the food and the ice water…. couldn’t be further away. But I was connected, I was INSPIRIT, I was INJOY. Mostly because I was with Quinn, and that’s what he does for me.
There was a sweet elderly couple with a car from well into the 80’s being packed to the rim with what seemed objects way to heavy for their tiny frames to be lifting. We were in a race to beat the clouds moving in, a race against the rain. You could feel the rain in the air. It was getting cold and darker by the moment. Our car was full. We were set. When Quinn came back from returning our cart, I sent him over to the couple to help them with their stuff. When I do random acts of kindness like this, there is a certain amount of trust that it will be received well. Usually within the first 10 / 15 seconds you know which way its gonna go.
One TIDE bottle at a time, he was of service. INJOY. “You are teaching him young, huh?”. Mmmmm, no, he teaches me. His excitement to go help this couple penetrated my spirit like a pin popping a balloon. It was so clear how the spark of joy served him, to serve them. At 11, this kid knows that you have to give it away to keep it. That by giving, we get so much. By the time we got in the car we forgot we were hungry.
There are a few people in this world that I don't need to see often, and when we do see each other we pick right up. Like we stall a conversation for a year, sometimes longer, and when we reunite the next sentence begins. A lot of these tribal members are Chiropractors, frankly because I think we all come from the same planet. But then there are others, and I know it as soon as I meet them. There have only been a few over the years, I can count them on one hand. They see ME, they get me, my crazy makes sense to their crazy, and my calm needs no interpretation. We can sit in silence, we can cry together, and we crack the shit out of each other in laughter. We see each other when we need to, and the timing is always impeccable, usually unplanned. Perhaps these twin flames of mine are just that, flames that keep me bright and well lit. Perhaps they are parts of my soul, shared in different places for different circles, but we always find each other. And when we do its the true mean of home to me.
There is nothing that anyone takes from me that I am not ready to give up. I believe that. I forget. I lose connection to my truth. I become subluxated. Then the stories. That's mine, not yours. I own, I have, I want. Nothing worth taking has ever been something i can own. You cant own love. you cant own trust. If i give you my trust, that is my choice. And you take it. and i let it go. The joy in the journey is staying connected to this truth.
When people show you who they are, believe them. As soon as they show you. Don’t wait. Don't wait for the words, stories and fantasies. Watch how they move, respond, react, breath, choose, love, hate, spend, eat, rest. Watch their connection to all that is, and believe it. Then you will never be fooled. then you will never be the victim. If they do it to others they will do it to you. They will love you that way. They will hate you that way. They will steal from you that way. The will support you that way. Both the giver and the receiver hold a story to share. They are stories of ACTION, not words. Believe thier stories. See the truth in each story, all the way down to the core. Past the layers and colors and material and energies that hold the story. go to the lava of each action you witness.
2019 Thanks Giving Day List of things to be grateful for....in my life.
25. Turkey, stuffing, pie, a home that I love to eat them in, people that I love to eat them with.
24. Inspiration, the ability to be inspired, the ability to listen and feel and with that, heal.
23. My hands, all that they have experienced and listened to and helped to transform. Their aging beauty, their lines, their stories.
22. Coffee, the conversations it inspires, the satisfaction it gives me, the fullness it offers. The connection to culture, people, savvy shopurtunities, flavor it comes with.
21. Sue Brown, Jeff Bueno, Amy Burke, Lou Corletto, Arno Brunier, Liza Cherbuni, Marcia Segura, all of those chiropractors who have touched me, my life, my trajectory in ChiropracTIC, my family, my future.
20. New Beginnings Chiropractic, for maintaining the vision of HOME in my craft, for me.
19. Pam Jarboe; my business coach, whose leadership drives me to connect to my WHY every time.
18. My sisters; Jess, Maria, Renee, Matty, Lara, Melissa. No time in between and we are right back at it. I love you.
17. My nutrition coach tracy, as an inspiration and a leader in womanhood, to be such an example of STRONG and LEAN. You are so much.
16. 27 years of sobriety, one day at a time. This life is quite a trip.
15. My CrossFit Gym; so many lessons you have taught me. Brian Metz for your constant effort.
14. My CrossFit Family; you know who you are. We push, we pull, we lift, we sweat, we cry, we laugh and oh yes, we dance.
13. The unique sense of consistency my family offers me.
12. My mother's creative expression.
11. My father's unyielding path.
10. My brother, Josh, for your slang talk that only you and I understand. Your heart is gold and I see you.
9. The warmth, comfort, loveliness, solitude and connection my home surrounds me with.
8. Karianne. The direction you offer us. Your unyielding ways. Your example of leadership.
7. The people who have hurt me, deeply. You have given me more to rise from. You have shown me how strong I am.
6. The people who love me. Quentals. Steve. My daily loves. You make it all worth it. The sleds we pull and push together.
5. Danny. You are my person. You drive me to be better. Your laughter in my world is everything.
4. LightSource Chiropractic and all that it is and all that it will be.
3. Jim. My best friend and love of my life. You are so beautiful and absolutely set the standard every time.
2. My boys. The lessons we learn together. It is all for you.
1. GOD. YOU ARE EVERYWHERE, NO WHERE, IN ALL, ALWAYS. I SPEAK TO YOU, THROUGH YOU, WITH YOU, ABOUT YOU, IN YOU, AROUND YOU. OMNI EVERYTHING. LOVE.
What does it mean to be a leader?
As a chid, we stand in a line in front of our classroom door, to go to the next space to expand our minds, and our line leader shows us the way. They are the chosen one, because they listened, they followed the rules, they checked every box. I never wanted to follow them. I wanted to walk in my own line, not out of disrespect, more out of sheer phobia of getting lost in the line somehow. If I mix in too much, I may disappear. That has set my trajectory of line leader for my entire life, especially in my career. So then the question arises, am I a leader due to fear, or because my individuality is so glaringly obvious to me and those around me?
The interesting thing about being Mrs. Jones's line leader is that I, as a follower, can only see the back of your head.
It is left to my imagination what you are thinking, your reaction to our next space or lesson, the smile on your face because of the high five coming up from Sally as you pass her in the hall. I have all kinds of preconceived notions about your experience, your exchanges, your process. I am FOR SURE thinking about you, you are with me, you are directing me. The kid behind me may be thinking about his shoe being untied or her backpack being too heavy, but I am thinking about the experience of your experience of experiencing leadership.
As we lead, we take on a great responsibility.
I have a dear friend who leads a community of athletes; strong, powerful, focused athletes. She is tough, and strikingly beautiful, and clear, and trail blazing. She is filled with creative drive and her trail is hilly, sometimes steep, always eye opening journey to follow. I don't have time, while being led by her, to think about her experience, as I am so inSPIRED by the experience of being led by her. Her trail becomes my own, she leads, I follow, but lose myself in the path to where I begin to self lead. Our leadership role meets somewhere in the space between, and there is a very blurred line of responsibility. Is it my job to course correct, shadow, follow, learn, teach, grow? Is it her job to guide, push, pull, encourage, distract, lean in? Is all of it true? The more I am inspired by her, the more the journey takes me in and I lose my roles. That is great leadership. There is no more I. There is only we, and the experience.
My hope as a leader.
My self guided path as a leader is for sure filled with good intentions. I want to create a powerful experience for my line, my patients, my kids, my students. I want to inspire greatness for those who come after me. I will not always be here and the pungent clarity that consistently greatens my effort arises from the KNOWING that I have the ability to truly lead from a place of inspiration, awakened thought, greatness. So that out of my lessons my students will rise up and truly create change. Every adjustment, every word, every thought, every hug, dance, laugh, smile can go one of two ways; it can heighten the experience of the receiver, or it can devalue the potential of the exchange. I don't want my students to think about me, I want them to be OBSESSED with being better, kinder, faster, stiller, clearer. I want them to be too busy with their trajectory to think about me and my path and my high fives.
They call it practice for a reason. Practice patience, practice kindness, practice i don't know what the fuck i am doing or what to do and smile, and breath. Practice being in pain, at your witts end, being sad, being angry, being constipated, and serving. Moving it all to the side. Practice the storms of ideas and questions and wrong doings and contemplative moments in between and knowing that it is ALL GOOD. It is all part of the journey. It is all a drop in a very large ocean. Practice being taken from, stolen from, lied to, hurt, destroyed, all to be put back together in the most unique, strong way and knowing all the while that THIS IS PRACTICE. This is the goal. This is the path. Practice being a part of something so large that you can't even contemplate its effect, its ripple path, and staying connected to its trajectory even when there is NO SIGN OF RYTHM or sense of it all. Practice being right where you are, in this moment, connected solely with what is under my hands, no distractions.
It is interesting to think that this time last night I was pondering joy. The same rain brought such deep sadness today. I wanted to be enveloped by my bed, under the covers where no one can reach me, find me, pull at me, tell me all fucking about it. I have learned over the years to be the perfect mother to myself and my bed is a tribute to my maternal self quest. The covers are just heavy enough that I feel them hugging my body while I drift off. I have over 10 pillows, each with a different story of comfort to support a part of my body that needs whatever hug for whatever reason. My room is filled with pretty things to look at, photos that represent memories of happy, joy-filled times. This is where my well is, where I know I can go deep.
Sometimes i connect so deeply with a sense of sadness that I feel like I am looking into a well that WON'T END if I catch a glimpse. I don't want to look. I don't want to know how deep the deepness goes. I could VERY EASILY go there. DOWN SO LOW, and I fear if I let myself, I won't be able to find my way back. Today I went, caught a taste, bounced back up....and recoiled. I keep feeling the heaviness, then the joy, like the head on a bobble head toy, bouncing with each attempt to reach for joy.
i have such a longing respect for people who spend their days in the well. They have such a sweet stillness about them. No matter how chaotic the winds of their lives may push and pull, they still stay still. They ARE still. Stillness is them.
The rain is not still. It is all about motion and clearing and hydrating. However it brings such stillness. What is that? Why such a complexity of such an antithesis scenario? And tomorrow it will be gone. Like my well.
I have a dear love who is just starting practice in California. She is one of these people that when you meet her, she is your best friend within minutes, your sister that you want to wrestle with, your soulmate that you want to tell your deepest darkest to. She called me a few days with the voice of the new doc, a bit shaky, a bit unsure. I get it, I've been there. There are a few pieces of wisdom I have carried with me throughout my journey in practice that I wanted to tattoo on forehead; I AM SUCCESS, I AM KILLING IT, I AM SO BUSY I CAN HARDLY STOP THE ROOM FROM SPINNING. But, none the less, a tattoo with such fever would not jive with her California cool chick vibe. So, here are the peices that I sent her spinning with:
I am success: This is one of those statements that will be true the more you say it, repeat over and over, use it as a mantra, tape it to your mirror, make it who you are. When people ask me how my business is going, I first think to myself GAG...what a private question and how inappropriate of you to ask! Right? But my response, since opening my practice over 19 years ago, has always been the following:
I am so busy I don't even know what to do with myself
My practice is waitlisted, we are doing great
I am the best at what I do and people in my community are getting it
My practice is EASEFUL, filled with love and laughter and amazement
Even if I am not feeling it, even if I am in a temporary slump (and they are always temporary) by saying these words and declaring them TRUTH, it makes it so. I'm telling you it works, everytime.
Because practice is a reflection of who and where and what I am, it is a spiritual continuity of the peace and joy I hold, what I say about it goes a long, long way. Words are powerful, choose them wisely.
I am so blessed to get to serve the people who choose me. I take care of the strong, the real, the awakened, the healing. I had a couple of amazing women on my table this morning, women who I would pay, a lot, to hear speak, to mentor me, to teach me. And they come to me, to integrate their power, to be better, to be stronger. We had a conversation InJOY this morning, about being real, never making excuses for your greatness, never dimming your light so that others may be more comfortable in their tight ass skin.
There is a social acceptance in our neck of the woods; a secret agreement among its members that REAL CONNECTION is not safe. That continuous exploration of friendship, listening, and undoubted, unbiased acceptance are all temporary facets of the social season as it sees fit. I don't know how to be in that season, and I don't know how to penetrate its illusion. I am not sure I want to know how. So, in spite of the bubble, I have created a safety zone in my office of real, deep, unyielding connection. My office is a space where anything goes, anything can be processed and there will be no judgement from any one here.
When I learn a new system, procedure, belief, rule, process.....I go to it. I absorb it. I penetrate it until it becomes part of who I am. Part of my culture of JOY. Then it can come to me, unfold itself and truly be discovered. Creating sacred space took years to learn, to absorb. Now it is everywhere I am, and I am with it everywhere.
I love to celebrate the people I serve. Whether they are 50 minutes old. 50 days old or 50 years old, they need to be highlighted, reminded of their excellence, reconnected with a state of being InJOY. Once I month I go there, I pick a person who really just does it for me. They are the person I see on the schedule and make my heart go pitter patter, ding dong. They lift me up just as much as I do them, and i want them to know. I want them to feel the love and appreciation I have for the fact that they chose me, and continue to choose me, week after week, month after month, year after year.
We celebrate with flowers, photos, sharing their story of ChiropracTIC with the social media world and great big cheesy hugs.
We overwhelm them with a sense of knowing how appreciated they are. We highlight their contribution to the practice to the other members, to learn a new state of being InJOY, even when coming to the Chiropractor!
My name is Dr. Jodi Dinnerman and I have been a practitioner of Living lnJOY for as long as I can remember. I do believe it is a practice, as there are many distractions, illusions, misunderstandings and misguided interpretations that can easily keep us from being in a state of JOY.